The Super Secret SOS Santa Strategy
by RedSavant
Summary: Or, what the SOS-Dan got up to after that illegal nabe party.  Doesn't have all that much to do with Santa, but I loved the title, so...   Spoilers to Disappearance, implied HaruKyon, heavily implied KyonYuki.


**Man, I've just been cranking these out, haven't I...? It helps that **_**Suzumiya**_** lends itself well to shortfic and one-shots. **

**Anyway, here's my first attempt at writing Kyonstyle - chronologically, this is the first piece of **_**SH**_** fic I wrote, though I didn't finish it until recently. I promised more Kyon/Yuki, so here you go! If that's not your cup of tea, just don't read the epilogue. Other than that, it's straight-up friendship/implied HaruKyon, just like the series.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Ever since I joined – or more accurately, got dragged into – the SOS-Dan back in May, certain things have been happening more often than I'd like and more often than they should be for any reasonable person. The latest thing that keeps happening over and over is that my cell phone keeps ringing while I'm in bed. And even though I used the phrase 'reasonable person' just a minute ago, the name on the phone's glowing faceplate was no big surprise to me as I blearily sat up and flipped it open. "Hello?"

"Kyon!" I had to hold the phone away from my ear. You know your voice doesn't have to physically cross the space between our phones, right? But the annoying girl on the other end ignored me, partly because she couldn't hear me over her own voice and partly because that was how Suzumiya Haruhi did phone conversations. "Any sign of him yet?"

Don't just call in the middle of the night and ask unclear questions.

It was too dark to see my clock, which meant that it was way too early for me to be awake. The glowing number on my phone, just below the call timer – which was inching towards 00:10, already ten seconds too long for me – said '1:14'. She must have heard me yawn, because her voice came down the line again: "If you fall asleep, you're treating us for a week at the café. On second thought," she added, before her first sentence was even done, "I'll just make your little sister a member of the SOS-Dan in your place. I guarantee _she's_ still awake!"

"She's ten. Why would she –" I asked. This time I couldn't even keep the phone at arm's length this time; I had to put it down at the foot of my bed to avoid hearing loss.

"Don't ask like you don't know," that girl exclaimed. "Come to the station right now. Be there in thirty seconds, or I'll make you do naked snow angels!" I heard Asahina-san's surprised voice in the background, and sighed. "Oh, if you can get a good long coil of rope or something like that, bring it too," she continued. I could picture her right now, calling up Asahina-san and Nagato and yelling them out of bed too. Before I could say anything, though, she hung up. I feel like that's something I shouldn't be getting used to, but I am.

To be honest, though, I don't have any right to complain about it. After all, I chose this world – I chose the early morning phone calls – I chose Haruhi and Asahina-san and Koizumi and Nagato without glasses. I can't blame her for giving it to me when I ask for it, right?

"Okay, move, Shamisen," I muttered, picking up the calico and moving him to the other side of my bed. I hadn't been all that surprised to find out that male calicos were ridiculously rare. With the mood Haruhi had been in, I'd be more surprised if she'd picked out an utterly common cat. He hadn't talked at all since the cultural festival, either, though I wouldn't put odds on whether that was because we made Haruhi fix things or because he just didn't feel like it.

I got dressed in the dark and snuck out of my house, something else I'm getting way too much practice at. I didn't bother looking for rope, since I knew for a fact we didn't have the big coil she wanted and she'd just yell at me if I brought her something different. Might as well spare the effort.

The streets were eerily quiet this early. I guess it had been snowing for a while after I went to bed, and it was still snowing now. Every book I'd ever read mentioned the 'special feeling' of Christmas Eve, but I didn't notice anything different. It was just… quiet. I didn't hear any cars or anything… just the sound of my boots sliding through the snow. It was a little creepy.

Of course, I was actually starting to like it by the time I got to the station and the silence was broken by a shout from across the plaza that probably woke people up in Kanazawa. "You're late, Kyon! I thought I told you to be here ten minutes ago," Haruhi called, pointing her finger into my personal space. "You're lucky Yuki's here, or I'd make you do those naked snow angels." Looking over her head and the silly red hat she was wearing, I could see Asahina-san, looking like an angel come to announce the birth of Christ; Nagato, who gave me the smallest nod I've ever seen in my life; and Koizumi, who was wearing his usual creepy grin even though it was 1:30 in the morning. They were all carrying rope, or nets, except Nagato… who had a box of cookies. This all felt really, really suspicious.

"So what are we doing here, anyway?" I asked, stepping past her. "I thought you'd be tired after the _nabe_ party." Should've known better. This girl ran on nuclear power. Haruhi ran past me and jumped up on one of the picnic tables, and we all gathered around like she expected us to.

"The SOS-Dan operates twenty-four seven, Kyon," she chided me, pointing her finger in my face again. "I'll forgive you for forgetting what night tonight is because you hit your head, but I don't want to hear any more complaining!" Questions she doesn't want to answer count as complaints. I see. "Koizumi-kun, put the rope and stuff over there on that bench. Mikuru-chan, c'mere. Yuki, you stay put for right now. I'll need you in a bit."

"Of course, Suzumiya-san," Koizumi said, taking Asahina-san's rope and putting it down on another table nearby. Asahina-san clambered up onto the table and stood, knees shaking, next to Haruhi, who was eyeing her like a hawk. I didn't like that look. Nagato, for her part, had already fished a thick book out of her coat pocket and was reading it by the street light. Knowing I'd regret it, I raised my hand. "What am I doing?"

"Just follow my instructions," she called. She reached out and collared Asahina-san, who let out a little squeak. "Every time you do something right, Mikuru-chan will do a sexy pose for you!" she said, pulling open Asahina-san's coat. It looked like she was just wearing pajamas underneath.

"Uah! Su - Suzumiya-san, I don't - it's cold out, and – and I don't want," she moaned, shooting me an embarrassed look. I took a step forward, ready to yell at our stupid chief, but before I could say anything she stepped back, an annoying look on her face.

"Actually, Mikuru-chan, you can get down. I don't think Kyon should get rewarded for showing up late," she said, crossing her arms and looking away. "Go help Koizumi-kun with the rope or something." Asahina-san stepped carefully off the table, and Haruhi turned back to me. She was frowning for some reason. "Take ten steps back, and be sure to shuffle your feet," she commanded. "If you're not getting snow in your shoes, you're not doing it right!"

I hadn't said anything, and she was still angry at me. "Okay, okay," I said, shuffling backward. There's snow getting into my shoes, all right. Why aren't you doing this yourself?

"I'm the brigade chief, remember? Okay – no, you went too far! Aah, I guess I'll have to work with it," she muttered, glaring at me. You should've planned on my steps being bigger than yours.

"I don't want to hear it," she growled, looking put out. "Fine, we'll just work with it. Turn left and go eight – no, seven steps. Then turn right again and hop forward three times."

I followed Haruhi's ridiculous instructions for about ten minutes. Every now and then she hopped down off the picnic table and went to stand on another one, squinting and holding her hands up in front of her in a box shape. Koizumi, like usual, was no help at all, and actually had me redo a few lines. Asahina-san was doing a little shivery dance, and Haruhi yelled at me when I stopped to take my coat off and throw it to her. I did it anyway. Nagato, who hadn't moved since she'd taken out her book, had a little pile of snow on top of her head. Oi. Nagato. Do something about that.

"I guess that's good enough," that girl said finally, eyeing the random crisscross of lines I'd tracked across the new snow. "Your handwriting's a little sloppy, and there are some parts where you didn't scuff hard enough, so those are gonna get filled in soon…" she trailed off for a moment, muttering to herself. Didn't this start as a compliment on a job well done? "Anyway, good job, Kyon," she finished, putting her hands on her hips.

"Handwriting, Suzumiya-san?" Koizumi asked, reaching up a hand to help her down off the table. She hopped down by herself and turned to face him.

"Yup, handwriting, Koizumi-kun," she said, nodding. "It's a message to Santa! I'm hoping he'll get it even though it was Kyon who wrote it. It says –"

"I am here," I said to myself. No wonder that whole experience felt like I'd done it before. Tilting my head, I could actually see some of the symbols she'd made me write five months – well, five months and three years – ago, on the field at Higa-chu Middle School. Had she changed some of them, or was my "handwriting" really that bad?

"How… did you know that?" Haruhi asked quietly. She sounded… shocked. I'd never heard that tone of voice from her before… well, not from the _her_ in this world. Which was my first clue that I'd just made a serious mistake. I looked up at the others – Koizumi's smile had gone brittle at the edges, Asahina-san looked like she was ready to faint, and Nagato was watching me now – she'd looked up so fast the snow had fallen off her head. None of them said anything, but the message was pretty clear: _be very careful_.

"I –" I said. Eloquent, right? But if I'd said anything else, it would've been a wasted effort, since Haruhi immediately leapt over to me, grabbed me by the collar, and dragged me up onto the concrete lip where the picnic tables were sitting.

"See, Kyon, I knew I kept you around for something!" she exclaimed, eyes shining. "You read my message through pure Christmas spirit! You're like Excalibur Scrooge – you pretend like you hate Christmas, but you really love it!" And on she went, steaming ahead with her own conclusions. For once, I was glad for it.

"Ebenezar," Nagato offered quietly, the first word she'd said all night.

Haruhi waved dismissively at her. "Close enough," she declared, wrapping an arm around my neck. It's exactly as much fun as it sounds. "Okay, well, the first part is over now! Now we wait and grab Santa when he arrives!" She pointed dramatically at the coils of rope and the big net Koizumi had brought. So _that_ was what that was for.

"Uh- um, Suzumiya-san, if we're going to be out here all night, can I go home and get dressed?" Asahina-san asked hesitantly. My heart went out to her, but to be honest, part of the reason I was late was that I was getting dressed and putting on my sweater and such. It never hurts to be prepared around Suzumiya Haruhi. Still –

"Actually, Haruhi," I cut in over the beginning of her needlessly dramatic "No", "Santa's probably way too busy visiting houses to look down and try to read some kids' message in the snow. Why don't we all just go home, and –" In the middle of my sentence, she gave me a slap on the back that didn't really feel like solidarity or anything like that, it just hurt.

"That's a great idea, Kyon!" she shouted. "We should all go to someone's house and stay up for him. The more of us there are, the easier it'll be to capture him anyway. You're outdoing yourself tonight, Kyon! I'd promote you, but we already have a vice-chief." She flipped open her cell phone and hit a speed dial button. Did I just volunteer _my_ house for this?

It picked up on the first ring, and there was a moment of confusion as Haruhi and whoever was on the other end of the line shouted at each other. Then they calmed down, and Haruhi was able to talk. "Hey, Tsuru-chan! Has he come yet? That's great! We're coming over to your house, okay? Kyon's bringing hot chocolate and marshmallows… and cookies, too," she added, looking over at Nagato. "Okay? Sounds great! We'll be there soon!" She closed the phone.

"Isn't Tsuruya-san's house more than two miles away?" I asked. She just shrugged.

"Well, we have to stop by a convenience store and buy some hot chocolate anyway," she said, as if that explained everything. "And it's Christmas Eve, and it's snowing, and we're with our friends! What else do you want, Kyon?" she asked, frowning at me.

"It does sound like fun," Koizumi put in, with no sense of timing. Haruhi looked over at me and held up two fingers. What's that?

"Um, please don't put anything in my drink this time," Asahina-san said, all huddled up in my coat. Haruhi patted her on the shoulder, and put up a third finger. I see.

"Yuki, any objections?" she asked, turning back to look at me.

"None."

"There we go, then," she said, using all four fingers to point at me in a very weird way. "Come on, Kyon! The sooner we get there the better chance we have of catching Santa." She had a strange look on her face, one I didn't recognize.

"Okay, okay," I said, giving in. Of course… I would've gone anyway. No matter how cold it was, or how late it was, or how big the hill we had to climb was, and ignoring the fact that Haruhi made me pay for all the supplies as the first part of my penalty… she was right. I'm with my friends.

I can't think of a better way to spend Christmas.

* * *

**Epilogue**

"You all look really cold," Tsuruya said, setting mugs of steaming hot chocolate in front of the SOS-Dan members seated under her _kotatsu_. "Even you, Mikuru-chan, and you were wearing Kyon-kun's coat, weren't you?" Setting the tray down, she poked Mikuru in the side, eliciting a pitiful squeak and causing the auburn-haired girl to fall over in a doomed escape attempt.

"Hey Kyon, pass the marshmallows already," Haruhi said, reaching across his chest for the unopened bag of mini-marshmallows. "You need to get them in fast."

"I would've given them to you if you'd given me a second," Kyon replied, frowning. "Hey, how many are you even putting in there?"

"Tsuruya-san, thank you once more for allowing us into your beautiful home," Itsuki said, smiling as he took a sip of his own drink. "Ah, too hot."

"Ah, it's no problem, Koi-kun," Tsuruya said dismissively, peering at him over Mikuru's prone, softly whimpering form. "It's more fun this way, right?"

"I'm starting to wonder," Kyon grumbled, turning away to hide his smile. He stopped short as he noticed the mug under his nose. Yuki was holding her mug out in both hands, and watching him very intently. Kyon blinked. Yuki did not.

"Uh…" he began, setting his own mug down. Yuki's eyes flicked momentarily to the bag of marshmallows, which was about half-empty after being passed from Mikuru to Itsuki to Tsuruya to, most significantly, Haruhi. Kyon looked over his shoulder at the bag, then back at Yuki. She nodded, almost imperceptibly.

"I'll get them away from her," he said, turning back to face Haruhi. "Hey –"

As he spoke, though, he was interrupted by a loud noise – a sort of _thump-scrape_ on the roof. There was instant chaos as Haruhi and Tsuruya shot to their feet, miraculously not spilling anything on anyone. "SOS-Dan, move out! It's him! It's really him!" Haruhi fairly shrieked, looking like a little girl in her excitement. Through efforts both vocal and physical, she and Tsuruya got Mikuru and Itsuki on their feet and fairly ran for the only room in the amazingly large house with a chimney.

Back at the table, Kyon sighed, stood, and crossed the floor to pick up the bag of marshmallows, which had been thrown halfway across the room. He sat back down and held the bag out to Yuki, who made no move to take them. After a moment, Kyon cracked an eye open and looked over at her.

"I thought you wanted marshmallows?" he asked. Yuki's eyes dropped a few millimeters, then met his again.

"I am ignorant of the proper concentration," she said, after a moment.

Kyon held her gaze for a minute longer, then sighed again and set the bag down.

"Here," he said, taking Yuki's hands and relieving her of her cup. He grabbed a handful of marshmallows and dumped them in, swirling the mug around gently to cover the marshmallows with chocolate, and handed it back to her. She took a sip, paused with the cup resting on her lower lip, then drank again.

"…Thank you," she said quietly, cradling her mug. "For the marshmallows."

Kyon took a quick sip of his own drink, drank too fast, and burned his tongue. "Ow! No, uh, it was nothing, Nagato," he said hurriedly. "Actually –"

"Kyon, Yuki, hurry up and get in here! He'll be here any minute!" Haruhi shouted from several rooms over. Kyon shared a glance with Yuki – a quick head-shake from the silver-haired girl – and sighed as the two rose and headed back to the rest of the SOS-Dan (plus Tsuruya). Kyon wasn't sure, but he thought he heard Nagato mutter something as they left.

Several hours later, when they returned to the _kotatsu_, their drinks were still hot.

* * *

**And there we go. I'll admit to taking the snow-writing idea from **_**Nagato Yuki-chan no Shoushitsu**_**, the spinoff manga about Disappearance!Yuki and that alternate universe... but hey, if Disappearance!Haruhi would do it then Melancholy!Haruhi certainly would too.**

…**Yeah, I'm a **_**kotatsu**_** whore. Sue me.**

**If anyone has any good ideas for a Kyon/Yuki fic, or any requests for **_**SH**_** drabbles in general, drop me a review and let me know. Haruhi knows I need the practice, and you lovely people get more KYuki in your lives. It's a total win-win (unless you don't like KYuki.)**

**Review anyway!**


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